What does mental illness looks like?
This has been one of the hardest things to overcome when dealing with a mental illness. A lot of the people around me would have never known I was struggling so much if I had not been so open about my difficulties and expierences.
I shared a post prior to this blog. It talked about a few well-known people that have sadly committed suicide, two of them being extremely recent. You will notice that a lot of these suicides came as a surprise and a shock to their family and those closest to them. A lot of those closest to the person say that they were "happy", "carefree", and "always enjoyable to be around".
I am not actively suicidal. I am thankful for my positive outlook on my mental illness. It is hard, and frustrating, and exhausting, but I know there is light at the end of the tunnel. To others, though, it is not that easy. To people so in the darkness that seeing anything past tomorrow is a nightmare in itself, suicide appears to be the only escape.
When I was in therapy, my therapist asked me if I was suicidal. I expressed to her I was not. I have never made a plan to take my own life, and I truly believe I never will, no matter how bad things may seem. She then explained to me that there were two kinds of suicidal thoughts. One is active, the other is passive. The difference between the two is that if you have active suicidal thoughts, you plan ways you could take your life. The action is a reality, something you know can/will happen. The other is passive suicidal thoughts. She went on, saying, "you may not have ever made a plan to end your life, but have you ever been driving and thought to yourself, "I could just drive into that ditch up ahead and have it all be over."" I was completely shocked. This is a very personal and vulnerable thing for me to say, but I have. I know I would never do it, but I have had thoughts like that before. I had to admit to myself that I was, at times, having passively suicidal thoughts. Since the conversation I had with my therapist, I have not allowed myself to think such thoughts. I have a very positive outlook on my life, although some days are dimmer than others.
Well, then, what does mental illness look like? How does one know if someone is struggling? How can you help them if you don't know?
Unfortunately, in a lot of cases, you won't know if someone is struggling. Talking to people about their mental illness is personal and invasive and there is a lot of fear about misunderstanding. I know when I was diagnosed with Bipolar, I struggled a lot at first because I knew when I decided to tell people there would be a lot of questions and a lot of doubt by those around me.
I was most afraid of being called dramatic.
My gosh, if I had one phrase I wish I could throw away it would be "Don't be so dramatic." I have struggled with depression and anxiety for so long. And for so long, I went by that phrase. Anytime I felt sick, sad, anxious, or anything remotely emotional, I would tell myself "Don't be so dramatic, Ellie."
It has led me to being in some extremely triggering situations. When I did not take care of myself because I feared seeming dramatic, I put my mental (and sometimes physical) health on the line. I experienced panic and anxiety attacks, and even have passed out.
Mental illness does not have a tell sign. It does not show the same in every person. Sometimes it does not show at all.
My best advise to ANYONE, ANYWHERE, whether you know someone who is struggling, or might be, or seems to be doing just great... ask them!
Say, "Hey, I really care about you, and (1. You seem kinda down) (2. Even though you seem totally fine), I just wanted to ask if you were experiencing any depression, anxiety, or whatever. Please know I am here to talk if you ever need me."
It does not have to be an intervention. Don't be weird about it. Make is super casual. People struggling with a mental illness feel out of the ordinary to begin with. Let them know they're loved, cared for, not alone, and totally still themselves.
I wish I had someone who had said that to me when I was trying to figure out what the heck was going on with me. I felt very alone. I still sometimes feel very alone. I am a pretty open person, but I have seen how some people who were open about their mental illness were treated growing up. I heard people say they were... dramatic. Gag. I hate that word. People are who they are and feel what they feel. They shouldn't feel bad about it or be called names.
So, if you must know, mental illness looks like smiles, and frowns. It looks like black clothes, pink clothes, floral clothes, and hoodies. It looks like laughter, and crying spells, and hyperventilation. It looks like optimism and pessimism. It looks like everything, and nothing.
My point is that it is impossible to identify what mental illness looks like completely.
Don't be the person who has to say "But they were so happy. Everything seemed to be going so great."
I shared a post prior to this blog. It talked about a few well-known people that have sadly committed suicide, two of them being extremely recent. You will notice that a lot of these suicides came as a surprise and a shock to their family and those closest to them. A lot of those closest to the person say that they were "happy", "carefree", and "always enjoyable to be around".
I am not actively suicidal. I am thankful for my positive outlook on my mental illness. It is hard, and frustrating, and exhausting, but I know there is light at the end of the tunnel. To others, though, it is not that easy. To people so in the darkness that seeing anything past tomorrow is a nightmare in itself, suicide appears to be the only escape.
When I was in therapy, my therapist asked me if I was suicidal. I expressed to her I was not. I have never made a plan to take my own life, and I truly believe I never will, no matter how bad things may seem. She then explained to me that there were two kinds of suicidal thoughts. One is active, the other is passive. The difference between the two is that if you have active suicidal thoughts, you plan ways you could take your life. The action is a reality, something you know can/will happen. The other is passive suicidal thoughts. She went on, saying, "you may not have ever made a plan to end your life, but have you ever been driving and thought to yourself, "I could just drive into that ditch up ahead and have it all be over."" I was completely shocked. This is a very personal and vulnerable thing for me to say, but I have. I know I would never do it, but I have had thoughts like that before. I had to admit to myself that I was, at times, having passively suicidal thoughts. Since the conversation I had with my therapist, I have not allowed myself to think such thoughts. I have a very positive outlook on my life, although some days are dimmer than others.
Well, then, what does mental illness look like? How does one know if someone is struggling? How can you help them if you don't know?
Unfortunately, in a lot of cases, you won't know if someone is struggling. Talking to people about their mental illness is personal and invasive and there is a lot of fear about misunderstanding. I know when I was diagnosed with Bipolar, I struggled a lot at first because I knew when I decided to tell people there would be a lot of questions and a lot of doubt by those around me.
I was most afraid of being called dramatic.
My gosh, if I had one phrase I wish I could throw away it would be "Don't be so dramatic." I have struggled with depression and anxiety for so long. And for so long, I went by that phrase. Anytime I felt sick, sad, anxious, or anything remotely emotional, I would tell myself "Don't be so dramatic, Ellie."
It has led me to being in some extremely triggering situations. When I did not take care of myself because I feared seeming dramatic, I put my mental (and sometimes physical) health on the line. I experienced panic and anxiety attacks, and even have passed out.
Mental illness does not have a tell sign. It does not show the same in every person. Sometimes it does not show at all.
My best advise to ANYONE, ANYWHERE, whether you know someone who is struggling, or might be, or seems to be doing just great... ask them!
Say, "Hey, I really care about you, and (1. You seem kinda down) (2. Even though you seem totally fine), I just wanted to ask if you were experiencing any depression, anxiety, or whatever. Please know I am here to talk if you ever need me."
It does not have to be an intervention. Don't be weird about it. Make is super casual. People struggling with a mental illness feel out of the ordinary to begin with. Let them know they're loved, cared for, not alone, and totally still themselves.
I wish I had someone who had said that to me when I was trying to figure out what the heck was going on with me. I felt very alone. I still sometimes feel very alone. I am a pretty open person, but I have seen how some people who were open about their mental illness were treated growing up. I heard people say they were... dramatic. Gag. I hate that word. People are who they are and feel what they feel. They shouldn't feel bad about it or be called names.
So, if you must know, mental illness looks like smiles, and frowns. It looks like black clothes, pink clothes, floral clothes, and hoodies. It looks like laughter, and crying spells, and hyperventilation. It looks like optimism and pessimism. It looks like everything, and nothing.
My point is that it is impossible to identify what mental illness looks like completely.
Don't be the person who has to say "But they were so happy. Everything seemed to be going so great."
ASK. TALK. LISTEN. BE THERE.
Picture Credit: Amy Gallimore
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