504 Hours
I will be honest, I have not spoken to Raven Cobb since, well, probably middle school when we were on the same school basketball team together. It is amazing what a community can do- bring people together. I reached out to her and she was willing to share some rather personal experiences with you guys. Thank you, Raven, for being so open and vulnerable.
In my 21 years of living, I have spent more than half of it with mental illnesses as my unwanted and unwelcome companion. There are many things that cause the wrath of darkness that hits us and hurts us. It can be school, work, a bad relationship, and even genetics that bring the evils of depression, anxiety, PTSD, eating disorders, suicidal thoughts, anger issues, and every other type of mental illness we may take on and hate.
Personally, I am thankful for my mental illnesses.
Weird, right?
In my many hours of self loath, time with a therapist, and group talks, I have finally found a new outlook on the scary words, mental illness.
Mental illness isn’t just feeling upset over something little, or having a bad day because I have multiple exams to take and work immediately after, allowing me no time to breathe. Anxiety is waking up at 3:32 A.M., panicking because you feel trapped in a world where there is no light. Depression is randomly breaking down in a grocery store parking lot because my brain wants to think about my parents divorce that happened around my 16th birthday.
But...
We do not control what evil decides to pop a visit. We do control how to handle it.
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In my 21 years of living, I have spent more than half of it with mental illnesses as my unwanted and unwelcome companion. There are many things that cause the wrath of darkness that hits us and hurts us. It can be school, work, a bad relationship, and even genetics that bring the evils of depression, anxiety, PTSD, eating disorders, suicidal thoughts, anger issues, and every other type of mental illness we may take on and hate.
Personally, I am thankful for my mental illnesses.
Weird, right?
In my many hours of self loath, time with a therapist, and group talks, I have finally found a new outlook on the scary words, mental illness.
Mental illness isn’t just feeling upset over something little, or having a bad day because I have multiple exams to take and work immediately after, allowing me no time to breathe. Anxiety is waking up at 3:32 A.M., panicking because you feel trapped in a world where there is no light. Depression is randomly breaking down in a grocery store parking lot because my brain wants to think about my parents divorce that happened around my 16th birthday.
But...
We do not control what evil decides to pop a visit. We do control how to handle it.
At one point in my life, things became the lowest they had ever been. I was admitted into a psychiatric unit in 2014. That was my home for almost 3 weeks, and it scared me because I realized that I was the only one who could get myself out. When I first arrived, I felt like I was in my own personal hell. I had the typical white wall room with no windows and a small, uncomfortable bed. They told me that these things were supposed to make me feel safe, and less scared.
Oh, the irony.
I did not feel safe and I was not comfortable. I was upset and scared and at an all time low. I realized, though, that I had people to talk to and things to learn. In those three long weeks, I had limited communication to family. During that time, I lost memories I could have made with my new baby nephew and a lot of the time I felt like I was losing myself, who I was and what made me, me. I felt as though I have failed myself and my family for being in a place like that. I spent 504 hours in that unit and the entire time all I could think about was my family. My family is my #1 medication. They got me through the rough stay, white walls, and no windows. After I was discharged, I was determined to never look back at the negative person I was before. I was and still am okay with having mental illnesses because they will never define who I am as a person.
At some point, I just told myself I had to fight it and win. We have to win. Trying to see the positive in such a negative mindset is very challenging. The first thing you have to do when you want to find inner peace and ability to cope with your mental illnesses is to accept it, then surround yourself with others who will help you grow, and listen.
Living with depression feels like living with another version of yourself. When I begin to feel depressed, I write poems or short stories to keep my mind distracted and preoccupied. Another way I stay positive while fighting this battle is to be there for other people. I have led some group talks about mental illnesses and I always offer an ear to anyone that needs it. By helping others, I found a way to help myself. It brings a type of joy into my life that I cannot explain.
Mental illness is not something you can just get over. It's hard to accept and it's hard to beat. I don't think I will ever not have a mental illness, but I won't allow it to affect who I really am. Mental illness does not define us.
I am Raven Cobb, and I have battle depression and anxiety. But mental illness will never define me. How I overcome it will.
Oh, the irony.
I did not feel safe and I was not comfortable. I was upset and scared and at an all time low. I realized, though, that I had people to talk to and things to learn. In those three long weeks, I had limited communication to family. During that time, I lost memories I could have made with my new baby nephew and a lot of the time I felt like I was losing myself, who I was and what made me, me. I felt as though I have failed myself and my family for being in a place like that. I spent 504 hours in that unit and the entire time all I could think about was my family. My family is my #1 medication. They got me through the rough stay, white walls, and no windows. After I was discharged, I was determined to never look back at the negative person I was before. I was and still am okay with having mental illnesses because they will never define who I am as a person.
At some point, I just told myself I had to fight it and win. We have to win. Trying to see the positive in such a negative mindset is very challenging. The first thing you have to do when you want to find inner peace and ability to cope with your mental illnesses is to accept it, then surround yourself with others who will help you grow, and listen.
Living with depression feels like living with another version of yourself. When I begin to feel depressed, I write poems or short stories to keep my mind distracted and preoccupied. Another way I stay positive while fighting this battle is to be there for other people. I have led some group talks about mental illnesses and I always offer an ear to anyone that needs it. By helping others, I found a way to help myself. It brings a type of joy into my life that I cannot explain.
Mental illness is not something you can just get over. It's hard to accept and it's hard to beat. I don't think I will ever not have a mental illness, but I won't allow it to affect who I really am. Mental illness does not define us.
I am Raven Cobb, and I have battle depression and anxiety. But mental illness will never define me. How I overcome it will.
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