6 Things Not To Say To Someone With A Chronic Mental Illness
Even though this is who I am, sometimes it is hard to be me when I know others around me don't understand what I am going through. I've had some pretty hurtful things be said to me, and I know at times it wasn't the purpose of the comment. Regardless, it still hurt. And if they had known what was going on with me, they probably wouldn't have said it.
6.) You just need to be positive!
So, here are 6 things no one should say to someone with a chronic mental illness. Really, these things shouldn't be said to anyone. But, I hope this opens up for some healthy discussion!
1.) You're crazy.
I was told this by someone so close to me that I swear those words pierced the very center of my soul. People tell other people they're crazy all the time. It is almost a staple phrase in most friendships. But when you say it to someone who is having a constant battle in their mind about if they really are crazy or not-- being told it with full sincerity is a punch in the gut. It makes us want to believe that that is what we are!
2.) You're lazy.
This one is hard to be defensive about because to the untrained eye, I do seem lazy. My husband will kindly do laundry, fold the clothes, and only ask that I put them away. Although to one person laundry may be the simplest task in the world, to someone who suffers form a mental illness, like depression, it is a mountain on top of a mountain. In other words, it feels impossible.
I have bipolar II, which gives me long spouts of depressive states. In these states, I feel as though all I can do is sleep. I have no energy to get up. I hardly shower, I hardly cook. As you can see, this could be a point of frustration in any relationship. My husband is so supportive, and I must applaud him for his love and patience.
But my actions can very easily be seen as lazy. I don't put my clothes away when asked, I don't have the energy to cook dinner, shower, do homework, go to work. You name it, I feel as though I cannot do it.
I am not being lazy though. Please don't call me that.
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1.) You're crazy.
I was told this by someone so close to me that I swear those words pierced the very center of my soul. People tell other people they're crazy all the time. It is almost a staple phrase in most friendships. But when you say it to someone who is having a constant battle in their mind about if they really are crazy or not-- being told it with full sincerity is a punch in the gut. It makes us want to believe that that is what we are!
2.) You're lazy.
This one is hard to be defensive about because to the untrained eye, I do seem lazy. My husband will kindly do laundry, fold the clothes, and only ask that I put them away. Although to one person laundry may be the simplest task in the world, to someone who suffers form a mental illness, like depression, it is a mountain on top of a mountain. In other words, it feels impossible.
I have bipolar II, which gives me long spouts of depressive states. In these states, I feel as though all I can do is sleep. I have no energy to get up. I hardly shower, I hardly cook. As you can see, this could be a point of frustration in any relationship. My husband is so supportive, and I must applaud him for his love and patience.
But my actions can very easily be seen as lazy. I don't put my clothes away when asked, I don't have the energy to cook dinner, shower, do homework, go to work. You name it, I feel as though I cannot do it.
I am not being lazy though. Please don't call me that.
3.) If I can do it, so can you.
4.) Why can't you just be normal.
This is a phrase I get rather angry about it. I have, and will many more times to come, compare mental illness like a thumb print. Each case is very unique and individual, so even though one person may suffer from depression or anxiety or bipolar or schizophrenia or any of the other hundreds of mental illness, it does not mean that each is alike. That being said, I cannot do things you can do. I am on an entirely different playing field.
One person once compared mental illness to soccer. Most everyone on the team is playing on a flat, even field. Everyone is running back and forth and enjoying the game. Then, there is me. I have a mental illness. Therefore, my field has holes that I can trip on, and big hills to climb up and down on. I view the soccer game differently because I have different obstacles to overcome during the game.
By the end of the game, others are panting and cheering over the win. Me? I am on the ground, opposite side of the playing field, all but giving up.
By the end of the game, others are panting and cheering over the win. Me? I am on the ground, opposite side of the playing field, all but giving up.
This is what it is like living with a mental illness. I cannot do something you can because our playing field is not the same.
Uh... do we even know what normal is? The definition of normal changes so much from one person to the next.
I just disregard it when someone says that to me because I am sure their normal is rather boring. Don't be normal. Be you.
5.) Others have it much worse.
Yeah, I freaking know others have it worse. That does not mean that what I am feeling is irrelevant. That does not mean I am not entitled to how I feel. My feelings are just as real and just as pressing as anyone who is suffering from something else. Letting me know others have it worse than I do does not help my situation. It does not make me think more positivity. It just gives me more reasons to doubt my worth.
Please. Don't say it.
6.) You just need to be positive!
I cannot fix my mental illness no matter how many times I think positively. Here, how's this for positive. I am positively sure you don't know what you're talking about.
Positive enough for you? 😀
No... I shouldn't be insolent. Sometimes it is just hard because mental illness is so misunderstood! I try my best to think positively, but that does not stop sadness, anxiety, or anything else from creeping in. I do try, though.
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There are lots of things people probably shouldn't say to someone with a mental illness. I mean, there are a lot of things people shouldn't say in general, but that doesn't stop them. These are just a few things I noticed people saying to me that I wish wouldn't be said.
The best thing people could do for someone with a mental illness is just educate themselves. The more people know, the less we feel like outsiders. I love myself- the good, the bad, and the ugly. I just want others to love me for who I am, too!
Let us speak kindly towards one another, mental illness or not. Everyone is fighting their own battles. Uplifting should be a reflex, not an afterthought.
#TheInvisibleBattle
#StopTheStigma
Let us speak kindly towards one another, mental illness or not. Everyone is fighting their own battles. Uplifting should be a reflex, not an afterthought.
#TheInvisibleBattle
#StopTheStigma
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